Risk

Mom had already told me that F. F. would call me. So I was not very surprised when she called me in the afternoon of last Sun. As I told you the story in an earlier post, I was working last Sun. and that’s what I told her when she called. It was almost 02:15 PM. Then she called at night and apologized. We talked a little and she asked if she could have called me again and I said she would.
But I have no feeling about her. The only thing I feel is me going deeper and deeper every day. I try to keep me positive and optimist but looks like I’m just keep kidding me. I don’t see that myself Tough Guy anymore. I’m getting weaker and weaker and my mind is being ruined slowly every day. Jeff once told me that he had started her life from the beginning 3 times so far and he’s passed his 50s. The good thing with him is he has his wife and little daughter by him and I have no one. Even if he doesn’t love his wife, there’s no doubt that he loves her daughter and that pushed him forward in life and boost his spirit.
I was watching The National tonight and horrible news about family was being introduced, presented by Statistic Canada. I only reveal one here: Less than 49% of people are married in Canada! Mostly people here like to live like street whores and studs, meaning sleeping with everyone they want whenever they want! The only difference is street whores are paid in cash. And do you know what that really means? It means people escape from responsibly, harmony, love and humanity.
So how I can have a woman in life in such a stupid society? Should I risk my life with F. F.? I don’t know and I’m too tired to think about that at the moment. May be she just wanted to tease me. She should be really sick, if that's that was why she called.