Friday, April 13, 2007


I rented Papillon a few months ago and watched the uncensored version after may be more than 23 years! I don't know. I remember that I caught it with a cousin of mine whom I used to hang out with until the university years and then I bought the book and read it several times.
I never knew that I feel I'm a character in Papillon's true story, one day, If not Dega, then the Papillon. He, I believe, fought all his life long for what he wanted: Freedom. And I guess he gained it after years of struggle. He settled down, had a family and even the movie maker interviewed and consulted him.
But the difference between me and him is I probably don't know what the fuck I want in my life yet! What I wanted a few years ago was immigration, fought for it and gained it. Then the real struggle started right after that: Getting a good career, what I really deserve. And that never fucking happened, not even now after more than 5 years. I'm getting older and older and seems not much time is left. Haven't got married although had many opportunities. I just refused them all. Or got refused by some.!Every each of them in a way. And still don't know what's gonna happen a month from now. If I'm lucky enough, I'll keep this job for a 3 to 5 years period and then go to another province. Going back to school is another option. I was just thinking of journalism. That should be really interesting especially because that helps with my English. That would be awesome, if I could get a job in a newspaper. But I still have that CF opportunity in hands.
In a nutshell I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do! But I do know that marriage, a good marriage solves part of the problem, if not all. But that just rose a problem itself: How do I make a good marriage happen?! Anybody knows?
(Photo: Papillon [Steve McQueen] shakes hand with Dega [Dustin Hoffman] in a scene of movie Papillon)

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