Saturday, August 15, 2020

To be or not to be (Afraid of Failure)?

I wrote CQE examination of ASQ twice back in 2016 within a few months apart and failed both times. I was afraid of failure and postponed the exam after the failures and never wrote it again! That was stupid.  Here I am now in 2020 working a minimum wage job like an idiot, struggling in my life! That, in fact, has not been the only mistake of mine which resulted in today's miserable life but I was afraid of failure and the money I would lose. Besides I was lazy. Arnold Schwarzenegger is known by everyone around the world as a bodybuilder first and a successful actor after that. Not to mention his success in politics by becoming the governor of California and the affair that he had with his maid! I don't think he's just someone that you would want to look up to, to build up your life but he once, recently, said something really true: Don't be afraid of failure. It's easier said than done because every failure costs you. And costs you a lot. Last year I attended the CBSA College and spend more than 4 months there and just less than a week from graduation I was thrown out! I probably didn't as hard as I should have done but I tried and was not afraid of trying and was hopeful but I think that an empty hope! The majority of the students at the time succeed and they all are now working across the country and enjoying the benefits but that 4 months and few days resulted me in going back home with my tail behind my legs and starting job search again! 
I think it was a mistake originally going there. I don't perform very well in schools like that which requires you to stay in a damn dorm. Besides I'm not good at memorizing a whole bunch of items in such a short period of time. Shitty food, restrictions in the dorm, some stupid instructors who simply don't like you because you're different from others, were amongst the factors which led to my failure but these are all excuses. I should not have started that in the first place. I even at time had difficulty understanding the instructors! My mistakes started when The Lady left and I thought I could try something completely new and tried to join CAF. That was the start of downhill for me! I wasted a whole year waiting to go to CFLRS and then left there unsuccessfully as well! I was not afraid of failure but that was a costly failure! If I had spent all those months on courses, studies and job search, I would have reached some stable job by now. So should one risk or should they not? Should they be afraid of failure or not? My answer is risking and failure are acceptable until a certain age and after that would be possible to compensate. 
(Photo: Arnold in one of my all time favorite movies, Total Recall, 1990. One of the greatest of all time)

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