Friday, April 11, 2008

Stupid and Coward

I think I’m becoming more stupid and also coward day after day! I don’t see that Tough Guy inside of me that often. I, at times, am the same person I used to be a few years ago but I’ve lost my confidence. That’s because this fucking Capitalist society has kicked my ass badly a few times. I can’t risk anymore while I have too or I’ll be fucked forever. I have a little plan to go to Kitchener, ON. and start my M. Sc. in University of Waterloo but I have to plan for it in detail and be extremely cautious.
But why this idea of being dumb and becoming more afraid of everything hit me is I spent last night in A. J. so do I tonight and in the evening he asked me to drive to the east when we got to Lougheed Highway. He was on the phone with a relative. I, soon, passed Shawnessy and then crossed the little bridge and then found myself in the way to Maple Ridge. That was the exact same road I took a few days ago when was driving Hodani to a hotel and you have the story in the previous post. I thought that he had found what I have done and is going to take me there to show me to the for example the receptionist to prove that he knows where I leave and breath! What a stupid idea! We went just to Costco to by trees for the house. Then we finished the trees today and on our way back to his place he put the radio on and turned it up! Something that had never happened before! He obviously saw the room that Hodani spent a few nights in and asked me where my friend is from. I told him that he was from Pitt Meadows and spent his time with me only last Sat. and Sun. I thought he was trying to put all the pieces he had in his mind together: My friend spending a night in my place, 5 L. Heiniken beer empty drum and the 2 left cans and Me being late that night and lost in Surrey (He asked me if I have any problem seeing at night and I said that my vision is perfect, which is not and he said why then I was lost in Surrey and I said that I missed my exit and couldn’t find my way back). But finally he didn’t say anything because he concluded that nothing special had happened and we went back to our normal conversation or better to say I tried to turn it back that way because he made a couple of phone calls to his family and got busy with them.
So my future is heavily depends on this job which in it I have to work for an idiot, A. J. If I survive after 2 or 3 years, then I can do something to get closer to a stable life.

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