Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Stressed Out

I received a mail from Jasmine last night. I was a little surprised because she never has done that before and I never had time to spend with her. It was only about the new maps though. Then I went to see her this morning because I thought that's a sign but when she came to the desk, as beautiful as ever with her magic blue eyes and told me that she would move to Vancouver, I was shocked. We never had the chance to get close. I mean I never spent time or better to say had time to spend time with her but always hoped to find some and make her if not my girlfriend, at least a good friend and companion of mine in the city that I know nobody.
She said that she had a plan to go to Thailand and teach scuba diving there! She said that she had been already there once and fell in love with it! She said that she would go to Israel and the India and Thailand would be her final destination. I asked her if she would go by herself and she said that someone would be with her in India, I guess. She said: " There's someone always " And I said: " Not for me! " I wonder if she had a boyfriend. That could be someone who's trying to have her and somehow has the chance to travel with this little piece of diamond!
That made my whole day miserable until the afternoon I had a chance to be myself, full of sense of humor and funny with Sunny, A. J.'s daughter. God! That was all horrible before that and I was a complete different person. Completely stressed out! Everything I try, turns to a disaster for me. Then I yelled at a woman who was waiting for me to back up. I yelled at another woman in land fill where she was right and I was all confused all afternoon when we were planting cedars in the backyard!
Fortunately the day ended in a nice meal in the Greek restaurant of the town, A. J.'s favorite but I was so upset that I was about to burst in to tears as the shitty job of mine is so dumb! I think the worst mistake I've done is postponing my marriage or inability of making a good girlfriend out of the many I've seen so far. Fuck this shit! I'm not in the fucking mode that I was in the afternoon so I really can't express myself but what I had in my mind at the time is when I die I will have this on my tomb: The day I die, is the best day in my life because I never had anything but mental and physical pain all through it. Fuck and I'm responsible for most of it.
One more thing, I was so sad that I didn't think of the reason of her trip to Israel. Then when I was planting the cedars and thinking to myself (getting tortured) I figured it out: She's a Jew. I find it from her family name. That's why she's goin' to Israel. She also asked me what I was doing today. And obviously didn't get what she meant. She was asking about the time after work. And I said that I was working! Fucking stupid! Stupid!

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