Friday, August 24, 2007

Feeling Like Shit

Mom called me tonight and asked me why I made F. F. cry! I was trying her number and found it busy a minute ago or so. I knew it happens but didn’t know that she would cry. Aunt I., had told me a few times that she likes me very much but that’s stupid! How would you like someone that hasn’t been met once!? I kind of liked her a bit because she’s not bad looking, beautiful eyes and long shiny hair. But the long time that I had to wait for her e-mails and the bullshit you wrote most of the time she e-mailed, made me sick. Besides I liked her mostly because I’m lonely all the time, sometimes even at work! So I needed and still need someone at this age at my side but it didn’t work. I don’t want to ruin my entire life by marrying a selfish girl.
This solitude has driven me toward many girls recently but got rejected over and over. Even S. G. stopped answering me almost a month ago, I guess. So I just stopped trying her anymore, no phone call, no online message or anything. E. S. is the only one whom I’m in touch with. I’ll tell you the story in near future because it’s in a pick and I’m waiting for an answer.
I feel like shit now. I know that I made her very upset and I feel bad. I now that the only possibility is gone now and have to start the beginning and I feel awful. And I know Mom is sad too and that’s the worst.

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