Awesome Pranks for Workplace: 1- The Stoned.

I just thought of two amazing pranks that could be used at work. In fact I am trying to see if The Italian could join me to do this! I have to talk to him. One of them in fact was mentioned to me by a high school classmate years after we both had graduated. The other one came to my mind when thinking or a prequel(!) to the old high school classmate's. The perfect way would be using mine which I am going to call it The Stoned here and the second one which comes after that and is called The Deceased. Here are they are supposed to work:

Story 1:

Characters: 1- The sick guy (played by me)

                   2- The Physician (Played by The Italian or whomever found)

Qualifications:

Both characters must be excellent is acting and fluent in English, especially the physician since he has to do most of the talking. A female character can easily play that character as well. I just didn't mention in the first place because I know of no one who possibly can do this. Not that The Italian most definitely do it! He is a little tight in terms of dealing with law and regulation, if I'm not mistaken. He might find it unprofessional, unlawful or unethical but we'll see.

Equipment:

a. The physician's business card.
b. A Clip Recorder or Voice Recorder. the later is preferred.
c. Cane, cast or crutch. It is optional. The need for this will be later clarified at Planning Stage. We are at Feasibility Study Stage at the moment!

Scenario:

You have been recently in a car accident, a very bad one, for instance a head-on collision and you are the only survivor of the crash. You spent more than six month, may be more in a hospital including a 3-week period in ICU. you had several fractured bones and you have forgotten everything in the past completely. Your physician is helping you to recover. One of the daily recommendations is to get active in the daily life and try to associate with the ones that you used to, so maybe this helps to improve the memory and go back to normal life. Your physician first talks to the manager of the company and then the H. R. or vise verse and gets their permission to bring you to the office at least 2 times a week for a period of not more than 1 hour each and he walks you around, takes you to different department to see if you recognize anybody, asks them to talk to you. As obvious as it is these visits should be all supervised and the entire time should be video taped to record the reactions for further studies(!) The goal in fact is recording the former (or may be the present!) colleague's reactions and laugh at them later. For that matter, may be a third person is required. This cinematographer should have expertise in filming in a way that no one realizes that they are the target of this scam.

This visit repeats may be for a month or more, depending on the number of the people being teased and permission given by the management of the company. The physician, as I explained should convince the management and other guys in the work that they have to grant this permission, this guy has spent quite a time in this company and has given so much. No the company's help is needed and nonsense like that. I am hundred per cent sure that The Italian is perfect candidate for this job but I'm not just sure if he accepts it. He is very good at talking and negotiation. That is how he easily managed his jobs in Sheriff, Corrections and so.

I, as the patient, the survivor of a horrible crash, The Stoned, would not have any issue playing the role. This will be so funny to see the hoe's reaction when I am there as a guy who may never recover.

The second story will be narrated separately in a different post but tell me how you like it and what you think. Is this feasible? what might go wrong? etc.
For your information and in case you did not know, projects have normally different steps. That is how I list the major steps for me:

1- Concept idea and general development.
2- Feasibility Study.
3- Planning.
4- Performance.
5- Conclusion.
6- Evaluation and documentation.

(Photo: Robert De Niro in Awakenings. I have not watched the movie and intend to buy the disk but with the sneak picks I have had so far, I believe that my character should be something similar to De Niro's in that movie!)

Strange Dream (2)

I had difficulty sleeping the other night (It was the same last night as well). On that night I made a kind of beef Steak meal with Caramelized Onion which tasted really good and we both enjoyed it. It had been a long time that we had not have red meat because we are trying very hard to cut that from our daily portion and reduce it to one meal per week. That main reason is for me is this stupid issue with Gout.

So we had the dinner and in 2 or maybe 3 hours hit the bed. I started struggling, tossing and turning and could not sleep and eventually around, what time was it I don't know!, I had to go to bathroom and take a dump! My assumption had been me having some Red Rice with my Steak would help me digest better then sleep tight but obviously it did not work the way I had anticipated. F. F. does not like Red Rice but it's awesome meal because unlike White Rice in comes in whole grain.

Then I don't know how long passed and I fell sleep and the strange dream started. I saw this Ukranian woman of our office, kind of naked(!) she is slim but in the stupid dream she was naked so you even could count her ribs! Then I realized that she was even naked from the waist down and I noticed her hole and believe me under the circumstances I could not tell if it was the front or back, but it most likely was the front because I saw her ugly face too (she is not pretty at all) and the hole was big, I mean huge! It was disgusting! I don't remember the rest of the story but then what I remember it was F. F. who jumped up the bed, kind of yelling Shit! It was almost a quarter to 09:00! I jumped out of the bed, washed up, dressed and ran to work.  

This reminded me of that Seinfeld story in which a marathon runner a friend of Elaine's, was staying with Jerry because he had been warned he might miss his big match, the New York Marathon, if he stays with Elaine. He spends the night at Jerry's but regardless of all the measurements which had been taken he wakes up almost the same way that we did and barely makes the match. It is awesome episode like most of the Seinfeld's. 

(Photo: The character who plays Jean Paul from Trinidad and Tobago sitting with Jerry Seinfeld at a both discussing how he missed his Barcelona marathon!)

An Interview After More Than 2 Years!

I had an interview last week. That was the first one in my field after a long time. I was hoping to manage it properly but now after a few days in seems that I screwed up. The problem was that the interviewer pointed at one specific standard and asked me if I had worked around that area of knowledge and I said that I was familiar but had not worked in the proximity of it!

Ushof believes that I should have lied and expressed clearly that I knew the standard but I don't know. I think that was a stupid question because the standard or code covers a very wide range of expertise. It is similar to asking someone if he is familiar with ISO Standard!! That is the dumbest question ever!

I think that could have been a good opportunity. There would be more work, longer hours, less, similar or just a bit more money but that would make a very good experience in the resume. I had applied for 5 positions prior to that. Not even a ring. And now I easily lost this one and don't know when the next one might come.

Running for Boston

 I went for my regular jogging to Bow River Path as usual yesterday. There were people around although it was cold for a Spring day. I realized lots of smiles and nodding and then saw a few running with T-Shirts on reading Running for Boston. In fact on my way to the path I had realized that there was a supporting run for the victims of Boston bombing yesterday but I was late to join.

Nevertheless I decided to do a Bridge to Bridge Run instead of my normal 20 or 25 min. run. For that reason I started from Crowchild Tr. pedestrian bridge, crossed Bow River to its south bank, took myself to 14th St. Bridge, crossed to the northern back and ended up at the same spot. The entire run took me a little more than 00:20:30.

I have decided to try this way of running instead of the usual time-based and see how it is working for me.

(Photo: Bow River Path and Downtown Calgary at the end of the first month of Spring. Temperature was around 0 ̊ C and this morning about -7 ̊ C!)

Johar (simplified for Dzhokhar)

Today as soon as I heard about the suspect being from somewhere in Central Asia, I realized what kind of piece of crap, wild animal the Boston Police is dealing with. It immediately reminded me of another piece of stinking shit from Chechen whom was killed by Russians, Dzhokhar Dudayev!

I remember from the 90s when the war was going on between the Russians and these motherfucker animal nasty murderers of Chechen (Not that the Russians are much nicer than them!) this asshole was killed when his conversation with a Satellite Phone was tracked by a Russian reconnaissance aircraft. The shithead dumb ass, being so fucking ignorant probably never knew that the all the conversations through satellite communication is traceable to the source and was cut to pieces!

The funny thing about the criminal is that different places in a few neighbouring countries have been named in honour of him! The funnier thing about the whole Chechen War in the 90s was that Iran never supported Chechens with anything although the Islamic Republic's policy have been always the support and aid of Muslim countries or groups who are fighting against others, more specifically non-Muslims. Examples would the support of Iraqi insurgents against Americans, the allegation which has been always denied by Iran, Support of Hezbollah in Lebanon against their conflict with Israel, Support of Bosnians in Balkan War and a few more.

It is clear that Iran would not be able to make the slightest move in support of motherfucker murderers of Chechen, having very good relationship with Russia especially for Bushehr Nuclear Facility and arms and ammunition purchases.

On the other hand Arab motherfuckers of UAE and Saudi Arabia as well as piece of crap jealous government of Turkey were supporters of Chechen rebels.

Having said a short history of the Chechens, I still can not understand why a piece of crap motherfucker from that region of Central Asia called Caucasus would turn against the country which let him in, got him a place to live and gave him the opportunity to grow. These two motherfucker animals would have been dead by now, if they had not fled their native Caucasus region 12 years ago. They in fact should have been very thankful to the US that lets everyone in without proper checking. The other thing is why the security around such a big event should be so lame that two motherfucker pieces of stinking crap could do such a thing to innocent bystanders and athletes!

Chechen War was a horrible one especially both sides hating each other to the most and crimes and brutality such is Balkan War occurred which not much have been said about that and that is not the intention of this post.

I'm just hoping these are not just stories made up by the FBI or BPD and these guys are not patsies. Otherwise I will not have any faith in Americans authorities.

(Photo: Dzhokhar Dudayev, the guy who claimed himself the president of Chechen with the flag of independent Chechen Republic in the back and hand-made rug, sitting with his aids, possibly answering the questions of a reporter or journalist)

A Few Movies For Different Tastes

Have watched a few movies recently. Since I normally write about the ones I watch, I decided to write the last recent ones in this table. May be helps someone to pick what he or she likes:

Ref.	Movie	Watched in/on	Rating	Remarks
1	Rashomon	Disk	** (in this genre)	I didn't like the ghost part when the victim tells the story. I find other works of Kurosawa better.
2	Identity theft	Theatre	**1/2	I had good laughs. Average comedy.
3	8 Miles	Disk	No Rating	I usually do not watch this type of movies as I am not a big fan of Rap and Hip Hop and smoking weeds and shits like that. This movie truly shows what many societies in the US look like. Dirty streets, jobless people, drug and alcohol abuse, gun violence, etc. Many think everyone who lives in North America knows about these stuff but many don't even in Canada. The picture people have of the US is just Golden State Bridge, Sunset Boulevard, Statue of Liberty, NBA Courts with pack-jammed seat, etc. Rarely people see the true US and 8 mile might help them to understand
4	The Life of David Gale	Disk	No Rating	I do not know what to say about this movie. It has a few good actors and actresses but the story is not very attractive although the end is not what you expect. Rather than that it seems a bit unbelievable that a bunch of people sitting in an office all day long do nothing but death watching! Seems a bit phoney especially in the US although many might say those organizations exist but who would sacrifice him or herself for somebody else who is sitting on a death row!? really!

(Photo: This picture shows a scene in the 1951 movie of A. Korusawa, Rashomon)

Workplace Stories (5): Victory and Disappointment

I had a little discussion with one of the colleagues this week. He is one of those who thinks he's the best and knows everything. For a reason or two a higher-ranked officer in the organization got involved and he asked me to notify him of his mistake and also ask him the contractor change the way it performs work. I did so but the guy came back with the same stupid answer he had given to me. I was in the process of sending him a message saying if he was blind to see what I had written which was the boss's order, it was not my issue. While I was preparing my message, that the boss who came down with a slap in the face and shut him down!

My buddy showed me his approval with a thump up but the Repulsive Turd came to me with his stupid argument as why I originally started this discussion with the pretentious guy. I defended myself and he admitted I was right somehow because I had obeyed the Big Brother's direct order. I also thanked him and promised that I would change the way I would communicate with my fellow co-workers. But what I realized what this asshole is quite afraid of these guys sitting on a different floor mainly because, as he said, they might go to the VP and complain about the tone of our messages(!) and the VP in turn might kick our asses, even up to termination! I realized he is so afraid and is very conservative. With this jarhead guy we have a VP and the way the run their business and treat their employees, especially after knowing that the organization has just lost a big business opportunity, I would not be surprised today, If I heard that the entire department of us is dissolved and everyone is asked to go home and rest!

I was talking to my buddy a few months back and he said that the fucked up VP had told him that he was not expecting us much to do while he is keeping us on board. This was said to my buddy when he had asked for a raise! I have not heard such a pathetic answer and for me there's nothing more disappointing than hearing that I am hired simply because the firm thinks they should have someone like me! For me if there's no job satisfaction, there's nothing else very important and that's why I'm planning to leave.

The (Late) Chocolate Bar

There was this asshole, fugitive, pretentious, Iranian guy, most likely from one of those Communist groups, someone who probably made up fake stories and seek asylum in Canada who used to run this little café at the corner of 17th Ave., and 14th St., SW, called the Chocolate Bar.

I was once there with a Afghan friend of mine for a cup of coffee and the shithead said offensive things implying that he didn't want me in the café! I had never seen the guy before and nothing happened during the few minutes we sat there for the coffee but I never knew the reason behind his hostility. After all he did something wrong to himself because there are hundreds if not thousands of places in Calgary that you could go for a cup of coffee while there are tens if not hundreds of people I would prevent them from going there.

The funny part about these guys is if they are communist, why would they chose Canada for a place to crash!? Why wouldn't they go to Cuba, China or before that the former Soviet Union!? May be because it's only the Government of Canada who let every liar shithead in after they just make up a story. Anyways in the last few years I realized that his business was going down the hill. It was not that I was going there every week. I actually lived far away from that place for a long time but in the past two years I realized that there are mostly one or two of the tables occupied. I didn't even pay attention to see if that guy still is there or not. I guess I saw him from distance only once, if that was him. Then I realized that they had added sandwich and soup to their menu by advertising it on the windows but that was too late. According to the reviews in Urbanspoon the service was very bad and slow and the food was unreasonably expensive. in addition to that the guys attitude stunk! So when last week I was driving by and realized that there was a new business to be started, I was not surprised. May be the guy made enough money and left or may be he lost plenty and had to shut it down. Whatever the case he is a jackass. I'm happy he did not succeed in a way to run the business for longer.

(Photo: The busy corner of 17th Ave. and 14th St., SW where a good business could be up and running for year and in fact the Chocolate bar was, at least for more than 10 year in my knowledge and may be even longer but now it is ceased to existence!)

Pesto

You might have seen jars of Pesto in supermarkets such as I did and even have tried that but by reading the ingredients I kind of backed up and decided not to. In fact everything you see on the shelf in your local supermarket, is sitting there comfortably mainly because enough preservative has been added to it to increase its shelf life so you can buy it easily every time you step in the store.

So I decided to make it myself and found a recipe on the net. Here are the ingredients:

2 cups of fresh Basil.

2 cloves Garlic.

1/4 cup Pine Nut.

2/3 cup extra virgin Olive Oil.

1/2 cup freshly grated Pecorino Cheese.

Salt and Paper to taste

Simply put everything but the cheese and oil together in processor and make a sticky paste. Add oil gradually and mix together on slow speed, grate the cheese, add and mix more. The result should be similar to what you see in the picture above except that I do not have a good food processor and I had to use a small one which is a pain in the butt! but if you balance everything and mix well enough, the result will be fantastic. I have to say that its a very strong paste and that is why but adding a spoon to a bowl of spaghetti, you can be full. Every little ingredients in this, I would like to call it meal, is important and together they bring out the flavour and strength. Pecorino cheese is an imported product from Italy and for that reason it is expensive. I guess I paid some $12 for a small block of it not probably more than 80 grams, don't recall completely. Pecorino is made out of sheep milk and has different types including Summer Pecorino and of course it's called that because it's made in that season. I checked online and realized that no one makes that kind or anything similar to that but I have to personally check a few farms and ranched in the province in summer. I might be able to get sheep milk and make the cheese myself! You can get Goat Milk and Gout Cheese in most of the supermarkets but although I have seen a few sheep farms around Calgary, including one in the south when you just leave the city, I have never seen any sheep dairy product. And one thing that I just remember and better to put here is Springbank Cheese Co. in 14th St. NW that I have passed by hundreds of times. I have to check that as well. I will have another post for that search. I have tried Sheep Yogurt in the old country and liked it very much. It tastes completely different especially if you get one of these stupid commercial fruit-full of sugar yogurts that you see them in supermarkets these days. I have never seen something as stupid as this. When you go to that isle you don't think you are somewhere which associates with food. You think you are in Toys R Us or something like that because they try to sell their garbage to people with the nice photos and cartoons they put on the packing!

Anyways Basil is hard to come by as well. You can get them in small packs in Safeway and it's sold as organic which I hardly believe but if you are going to get that type, you will need at least 5 or 6 packs, I assume. Considering each of them are some $3, you can see how much your little paste would cost. The best place to get it is Chinese stores. They bring it all the way from China(!) or directly from Chinese growers in Alberta or British Columbia! Who the hell knows! But that's what you need. Pine Nut is another expensive ingredient. Considering $0.65 is how much you pay for 100 g. of peanut, Pine Nut in comparison to that is something around $6 for every 100 g.! The good thing is you only need 1/4 cup for your Pesto. The rest is easy to find with reasonable prices.

The key to have a good Pesto as I said earlier is having a good food processor. The rest is not to hard to find because if I find them, why won't you?

It's a messy job even for me who regularly cooks. So be prepared for having something like the below photo of worse. I only show part of it!

After all this is a good experience and worth trying. I enjoyed my Spaghetti with the Pesto. Don't forget that your Spaghetti should be hot right out of the pot and you add the Pesto, mix it really well and then enjoy.

(Photo: the above picture shows the small container of Pesto that I made)