Dazed and Confused

I think I should see a psychologist as soon as I can. My mind is so ruined and I think that I’m not that Tough Guy any more. I’m very moody and feel lonely and insecure. That’s all because I, the idiot, couldn’t find a damn job that both feeds my financial needs and provides job satisfaction. I, perhaps, didn’t try as hard as I should have. That’s what Keiv once told me almost three years ago.
I can blame it all on lack of a good partner but why it happens to me? I, myself, made them all ran away! That’s why I’m stuck here now. I’m at times happy and full of hope and optimist, in an hour I turn to a depressed guy. Joblessness is another problem. When I’m working, I feel fine when I’m not, I feel terrible and by working I don’t mean sloppy stupid work, I mean something that I can use my talents and abilities. Once I e-mailed A. J. that I could design and run a small but efficient Inventory Control System for his tiny epic company he said: Let’s see what you do and the other time didn’t reply back. So maybe I do it and present it to him. It would be a good challenge and experience.
Something that made me happy today is I called CIC after having a look at the status, online which says the application has been started in June.05 and I was told that both Mom and F. are in the file. At the beginning I thought that it’s only Mom who’s being sponsored but then the agent said that Mom is the applicant, I’m the sponsor and the applicant has a dependent who’s F. So the application is in process and it takes no time longer than 6 months and they are able to get here together.
Then F. F. called me after a few failed attempts by me and we talked for a few min. and that means we’re still on track! After all this song by Coldplay describes my current situation a little:

Oh brother I can't, I can't get through

I've been trying hard to reach you, cause I don't know what to do

Oh brother I can't believe it's true

I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you

Oh I wanna talk to you

You can take a picture of something you see

In the future where will I be?

You can climb a ladder up to the sun

Or write a song nobody has sung

Or do something that's never been done

Are you lost or incomplete?

Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?

Tell me how do you feel?

Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak

And they're talking it to me

So you take a picture of something you see

In the future where will I be?

You can climb a ladder up to the sun

Or a write a song nobody has sung

Or do something that's never been done

Do something that's never been done

So you don't know were you're going, and you wanna talk

And you feel like you're going where you've been before

You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored

Nothing's really making any sense at all

Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk

Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk