There's Always Fun with the Bum!

The Chef called me on Fri. evening and the minute I picked up and listened to him I realized he was drunk, as he usually is on Fridays! This actually is not a surprise to me. Many people work the whole week to get drunk on Fri. and Sat. This is part of the culture. We talked for a bit and that was it. I later found out that he had to leave his friend's, the one who they spend their weekends together drinking together in the public, for some reason.

Then later I received a call from an unknown number when I was in the bed, because I had to go to work the next morning. I didn't pick up but when I checked the message I found out that was him again! He had lost his phone again for the second time in the past two months! He gets drunk and he loses his telephone. I'm surprised that he has not lost his wallet. That would have been a disaster.

Anyways there was no word from him until Mon. morning that I received a call from an unknown caller. It was him calling me from a public phone!

Glass splinters are still seen inside the front light of the vehicle after 2 days passed the collision!

I knew he had lost his phone but I didn't know it was the only problem that he had been going through. Apparently he had an accident too, a sort that had made his car almost useless. So I met with him somewhere close to his place, considering he didn't have an operable vehicle. He also had asked me to bring him jackets I have. He wanted to get ready for the winter. After our lunch we went to his place, The Brave's basement and he tried both of the jackets on and like the cheaper one because, according to him, the other one, had very long sleeves which exceeded his tip of finger! He actually is right. Most of the jackets and shirts that I've purchased here in Canada have the same feature. I guess that's how they're designed to fit North American men!

Anyways after that I had a look at the vehicle. It was quite a conundrum! I still wonder how he managed to do that but I guess considering the factors of his impaired vision, particularly at night, his bad driving habits and his exhaustion from 10 hours of work, it's not very plausible (if I can use adverb Very before adjective Plausible[!!] which doesn't sound right grammatically, please correct me if you're sure!) to manage to do that. The front left fender is smashed, scratched and dented. The front bumper is twisted and pulled bellow the car, under the engine!! He said after he hit the car he continued driving because he was very tired (although he later went to the driver of the car and apologized and told him what he had done, although it's hard to believe how he found the neighbourhood unless it is on his usual route from work to home, which makes sense) and he was hiring this noise of something(!!) is being dragged underneath the car!

The Chef was trying to cut the bumper with this pair of garden scissors! Even now that I'm looking at this picture and remember the day, I can't stop smiling! Bumpers are usually made of a very strong plastic to be able to absorb the impact of hit without breaking and preventing more damage to the vehicle's front or back. It's impossible to cut them with such a lousy tool which is designed to prune the shrubs and cut thin branches!

I asked him to drive the car next to the curb and bring the front on the sidewalk so I can see underneath. The funny part at this stage of the story is that he brought the car up on the sidewalk exactly in front of a neighbour's house. I laid down on their lawn to be able to see underneath the car and that coincided with the arrival of the said neighbour! So when they stopped to see what was going on in front of their property they saw a car almost on their lawn and a man laying in front of it! It seemed that I was hit and thrown to their front yard! I don't know what other people's reaction could have been but this family comprises of dad and two young boys of East Indian origin, while looking at at the scene with wide open eyes said nothing after I stood up and told them there was an accident! They just looked and went inside without a word!

 I realized that the easiest way to solve this problem is to cut the bumper from where it was attached to the body. It was only ⅕ of the bumper. He, at this point, went inside and came back with a pair of Garden Scissors!! It might be hard to understand for some readers as how someone do not understand that a hard plastic bumper cannot be cut using a pair of Garden Scissors but if you read more stories of him, you appreciate that years of drinking alcohol and occasional consumption of narcotics have killed many cells in his brain and he is not able to function normally. Many things which make sense to normal people, must be explained to him extensively and at the end he still refuses that! In this case I told him that he would not be able to cut the damn bumper with the damn Garden Scissors but he not only rejected my idea but also started stomping on the tool to flatten it(!) as you know Garden Scissors are build with a inclination to them to make the job easier. 

The next plan was to tie a rope to the bumper at one end and a street sign(!) at the other end and back up slowly with the hope that the bumper is taken off. This plan would work if we had good and strong rope and nice and tight ties were provided but we lacked the first item. The Chef, instead used one of those elastic bands used for luggage, called Luggage Strap(!) and the result of disappointing, of course. At this point The Chef asked me if he should asked a couple neighbours couple who were smoking outside their door and occasionally giving us a look. I confirmed and he approached them and asked them if they had a saw. The guy had a look at the problem and indicated that he could cut it off using his Grinder. That was a great idea. He went inside to get his Grinder and Extension Cord and I turned around and put the car in a position that it was easy for him to access the bumper. He managed to cut ⅘ of the bumper. We thanked him a lot and I told The Chef that he would have to appreciate him somehow later by probably buying him something because if it was not because of him, we would have had to either tow the car to  mechanic shop to fix it or buy a Reciprocating Saw for some $150. 

That was the end of our exciting day! The Chef paid for the jacket and I left him to get ready to hit the sack as he had to wake up in 6 hours to go to work!

(Photo, top: I haven't been able to figure out how he hit the other car that caused the bumper to be folded inside and below the vehicle(!) and the fender to have such damage! Perhaps vehicle accident experts of CPS or NASCAR would be able to answer the question after extensive analysis!)